no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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