Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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