Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
