It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize