I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
