when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
