i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
