Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
