Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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