This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
