I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
