come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
