Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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