everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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