found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
