Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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