Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
