I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
