My room smells like vodka and shame
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
