i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
