the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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