i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
