I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
