Ambien. No doubt about it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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