What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
