dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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