my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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