I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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