I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
