That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
