I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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