it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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