Plan B is the new Plan A
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
