I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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