I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
