I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
should my penis look like a turkey
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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