My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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