some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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