I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
