I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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