I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
