If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
