it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
