bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
