im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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