When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
