I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
