this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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