Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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