yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
