I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize