I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
