I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
