Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
