You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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