my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
