My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
