totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
