Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
