The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
