I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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