everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
