I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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