Do you still have your period?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
