His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
