Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
