You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
