Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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