I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
