She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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