Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
