I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
