When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
