Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
