I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
