i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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